Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalms 27:14
Waiting can be the hardest thing to do when it comes to God. We all want to take control of all situations ourselves and make them just perfect, but can anything be perfect? No! God knows that we have all these different situations going on in our own lives and at times they can seem overwhelming. The hardest thing for me to constantly remember is that I am not in control of my life. Even though I want to be able to make situations better or subside, the challenge is letting go and letting God lead. I know that my life was mapped out for me before I was even conceived and yet it is the hardest thing to understand. God knew every decision I would make good or bad and how I would handle them or let Him handle them. He knew that I would do this or that with my life and in what order and he loves me the same.
God is probably very frustrated with me lately because I have been very guilty of letting the world get to me. I have a very horrible family situation going on that I have had to completely walk away from because it is toxic. I have been lied about, talked about, had nasty things written about me and spread around and hurtful things shared with other family members in hopes they would not talk to me. This person is winning on their own side and can walk around jabbing punches in me wherever they turn. I have to remember it is not the battle I am supposed to fight. God says in 2 Chronicles 20:14-15, "The Spirit of God came in the midst of the congregation....saying, Be not afraid nor dismayed....for the battle is not yours, but Gods." So I have to let that go. I have to remember that even mockers and hateful people said horrible things about Jesus and yet he continued on his journey and never let them take the most precious gift, the gift of Gods eternal and everlasting love. Jesus had a plan that God had given him and he was faithfully carrying out that plan. We may not know the plan or how the cookies will crumble, but God does. I have to be faithful in trusting God to provide the knowledge of the whys, when He is ready. It cannot be in my own timing, because everything we go through has a lesson and if I jump ahead of Gods plan the lesson cannot be fully revealed. I have also learned the hard way that God is going to teach us the lessons he has planned for our lives whether we want to get them or not. We may jump ahead and do things our own way to avoid the pain, but the lesson will come again and once again you will be faced with a renewal of that pain. So my biggest issue right now is sitting back and letting the mocker take the road they want to take, to destroy themselves by creating their own misery. As much as this hurts me inside God sees and hears the truth, he knows that I am beautiful, remarkable and have a huge heart. He knows that I am not what these people say or think, I am better than that because I am a child of the most high God.
On a side note and away from my pain I try to focus on those that are less fortunate of their own situations, the ones that feel so out of control they cause destruction of their lives and others. I am very grateful that I have been blessed and born again through God that I can see situations for what they really are and know that God is in everything if I just believe. The holidays get distorted with fancy lights, elaborate gifts and everyone trying to do more than they really can. The true meaning of Christmas is Jesus, his birth and the celebration of his life so that we can have ours, eternally. I heard on the radio just yesterday the hosts were having a discussion about Christmas and what you should be thankful for at Christmas time. They were talking and laughing about gifts and this and that. A young girl called in and said, "we should be happy for the birth of Jesus and the eternal life that he brings." They laughed at her and said, "well we can be happy for that but wheres the gifts, we want gifts." I immediately turned the station. How could they be sooooo unchristian. How could they mock this girl and have the nerve to belittle her beliefs which were exactly how we should be. I thank God that I am able to see in situations like that the true meaning of what we should and should not believe.
So focusing on knowing that I do have God in my heart and I can see him in every situation gives me hope that I can press forward during this difficult time.
Another area I struggle with is seeing the good in front of me past the bad. I have an amazing husband and three beautiful children. I may not have the love of immediate family on one side, because of the hateful lies and destruction, but look what God has abundantly blessed me with. I have family that God has brought into my life that love me for me, see me for me and build me up emotionally and spiritually. I have friends that listen to me because I have gifts of voice. I love to take time every single day to bless someone by words. I love to pick someone out that is having a tough day and give them inspiration. I love my family that God has brought into my life and they love me, honestly and wholeheartedly. So why do I let this one person step between my God and the family he has given me that love me so much. The devil..... I must disregard the devil and tell him to get thee behind me.
I will push forward with Gods love and be more aware of those in front me.
Happy Holidays, God Bless
KD
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