I haven't written in a very long time. I guess life has a way of showing up and knocking you off course. Some call it life, I call it the devil getting in the way of my walk with God. I am not perfect, I have never proclaimed to be perfect, I sin daily. I get mad and yell, fuss for no reason and make mountains out of mole hills. Just today I yelled at a lady who honked her horn at me to move over so she could slide by a wreck that was in front of me, my words "be patient." The same patient I need those in my life especially God to have with me. I am a work in progress, and I am no way near my goal. I am not what I want to be, but not who I was. Each day brings new challenges of it's own to conquer, fires to put out, fights to break up, attitudes to triumph, two year old battles to fight, bill collectors who just don't get that my life is no different than their own, interviews that don't pan out, kids grades that slip and on and on and on. I could sit here and proclaim I have all the answers, but I don't. I could sit here and tell you everything will be fine tomorrow, but it won't. I can sit here and shout scriptures until I am blue in the face, but it won't make your walk closer. I can sit here and tell you I walk in the light of God with no mishaps, but I don't. I sin, plain and simple. Why? I'm human.
God sees me as I am, you as you are and everyone as they are in this moment right now. Does he want us to stay that way? I don't think so, but he accepts us as we are, because he, unlike us know the final chapters. We are merely words on the page that make up sentences in His book. He wrote the book, each chapter and the conclusion. We simply get to live each page as the day turns. I can sit here and write this and feel confident in myself as a christian woman and turn around five minutes later and getting into a screaming match with my kids over taking out the trash, folding their laundry and being in bed at 8:30 which they know to do every single night. Does that make me bad, NO, it makes me a work in progress.
I sin daily. I ask forgiveness daily and I go to the next day. I try to not go back and do those same sins again, but sometimes I do and yet another forgiveness is needed. God loves me, I know this to be true. He sent his own son, to die on the cross so that you and I might have everlasting forgiveness and eternity with him. That's a huge sacrifice. I have never lost a child and would never ever want to, but to even fathom it takes my breath away. Jesus knew what was expected of him and yet he asked no questions, but carried out God's plan. How could we ever be so brave? I have lost one relative to death and it still pains me every single day that my Poppy left this earth seven years ago. Time is all we have in this moment, and I am very guilty of taking advantage of time. The mentality of I will get to it tomorrow, forgive tomorrow, talk to them tomorrow, its such a disgrace. I feel in my life I need to speed up my approach to forgiveness, and more freely. I need to slow down my life and see the simple things, the things I can surpass, overcome, stand up from and move forward. I need to get on my hands and knees and plow through the weeds to find that flower, see that person in the light of Jesus, and know just like my heart is not perfect neither is theirs and learn to accept others just as I am accepted daily. I need to wash off the pain of those who have hurt me, let them go, move on with life.
God brings people into our lives for a reason. Maybe not for a lifetime, a season or more than a day, but for a purpose. Every person we meet serves a purpose in Gods plan. Each obstacle, distraction or course off track is a puzzle piece in Gods plan to eventually get us to where we need to be. Each obstacle is a chance to grow, reflect and repent. Each hardship is a trial set in motion to break us down to believe. Each day of no job, yelling kids, bills piling up is a chance for God to show us faith. Every single day I vow to start on track. I may not end up on a good note, maybe a flat key here and there, but I am aware of this and I know what I need to do to get my chords flowing right again. The only way to reach God is on our knees with our hands lifted up. The only way to get us to our knees is sometimes just to have your feet swept out from underneath you. I live that daily. You live that daily, we all live that daily. My sad notes are no deeper than yours or more important than yours. We all hurt the same, cry the same and cry out for God the same. In the end its how we faced adversity in the midst of a struggle that sets us apart from who we were to who we have become.
As I looked into my beautiful 3 day old nieces sparkling eyes today, it reminded me how small and precious life is. How such a small, tiny innocent miracle can be the most precious gift from God. How she stretched and fit right in my lap, the wrinkle in her nose and the innocence of not knowing any pain. Just as a baby enters the world unaware of the dangers of life, we to have to get to a place where the sin rolls off our back as lessons learned during difficult times. To recognize our weaknesses and strengthen our faith. To remember with every storm there is a rainbow awaiting. With every tear there is someone lending a hankie to wipe it away.
Every tear tells a story on that book of Gods love and plan for our life. Mix in the laughs, the stories of loved ones doing funny things, family, my husband, children and all life's ups and downs and you have a full novel of His plan. I am just along for the ride when I let him drive. So today I am reflecting on the miracles of Gods love for me, for you and for us all to remember we are not perfect, we sin. We aren't hypocrites, we are works in progress. So take your day and make it what you can, don't try to overcome all your obstacles. When trials surface hit them head on with the confidence that God has your back. He has the beginning like my sweet niece, he has the middle and the end. He knows how everything will align with His plan. So just take a deep breath, close your eyes and pray:
Father I do not know how to get from this moment to the next and I am not going to try. I am simply going to ask for you to lead me in the right direction. The course that you have laid the foundation for in my life. I cannot change the way things are, how I have done things or go back to yesterday, but I can rely on you from this moment on. God I know you close doors just as you open them and for the next few minutes I am going to clear my head of all negativity and let you enter my heart. Lead me through troubled waters, over the obstacles and through the trials. Remain by my side and help me to be recognize my sins and repent. Help me to be all that you expect me to be in this moment. I love you God, I need you in my life and I praise you for accepting me just as I am.
In Jesus Name, Amen
KD
I will pray for the family! All will be well.
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