Happy
I don’t know about you, but I have daily struggles with my children. Do not get me wrong by any means, I love my children with every single inch of my heart, but my gosh they drive me insane sometimes. Like in the mornings my daughter can NEVER find anything to wear, nothing, she has nothing. Nothing fits, nothing looks good, huff and puff, stomp and whine. My son, hardly ever wants to get out of the bed during the week days, but come the weekend he is up at 6am on the couch watching TV asking “mom what’s for breakfast.” What gives? My little toddler just goes with the flow; he of course is not even 2 yet so he has talked enough to voice his opinion other than the out of the blue squeals that sound like a pig is caught in a trap. So how do I get through everything that I need to do in a day when every single day seems to start upside down on the happy meter?
The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” So even though my children are hard to get along with especially in the morning and even more so with each other, I am supposed to continue to discipline. What if the discipline is kind of going in one ear and out the other with regards to the children? In Proverbs it also says in 22:15, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” I believe this is saying that a child is born innocent and doesn’t know until you teach them what an acceptable and unacceptable behavior is. In other words they test your patients and waters to see what you are going to let by. If you put your hand up and say “enough, we do not act like that in this house.” They will probably move on to another trying tactic, however they just got a taste of medicine that says, “Wow I may not be able to get away with everything.” I know this is tough. I discipline my kids daily, over and over. I get NO WHERE. I end up having to yell and scream for my children to get busy doing what I need them to do and it all seems redundant. Like do your homework for the 15th billion time. Over and over I find that I am repeating myself and I don’t know about you, but I cannot STAND repeating myself when the person heard me perfectly clear the very first time. All day I struggle all day getting the kids to listen, get along and just knock the edge of loudness off the room. My husband can merely step his foot inside the back door and their daddy radars go off; they straighten up and are suddenly QUIET??????? WHAT GIVES? What power does this Daddy have after being absent all day? A LOT! My husband tells the kids to do something and they know immediately that he means it and to not question it. They are not scared of him by any means, but they do know that Dad means business. I am louder than him, but I guess not consistent. He is the key word, consistent.
The verse Ephesians 6:4 comes to mind, “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Now my husband probably would not know that verse, but he does bring them up in discipline and instruction that is the same every single time. They know the boundaries and bridges they can and cannot pass with him. Like the DVD player in the car, yes it is supposed to be played while driving, however my husband loves music. So when we all ride together as a family he never wants to use the DVD player. They know this and will say immediately is Daddy riding with us?
Kids do not forget a thing; they may turn their head mid-sentence and walk away, but trust me they hear every word you are saying. How they interpret it and act on it is a completely different story.
So how do we parent with a powerful, but loving attitude when they drive us crazy? We reflect on the following:
No parent will ever "perfect" these two skills: consistent training and guidance - with a warm smile as much as possible.
So I have to tell myself to stop trying to make every single day a pleasant and happyville land of fun. Life is hard, and training a child up in the way they should go is our number one job. Think of it this way, our children we have borrowed from God. We are to train them as mighty little soldiers ready to brave the world and put more God in it. To follow the right paths and to know without hesitation what is right and wrong. To never question their inner beliefs and always know they have a place inside their heart to call home when all else has failed. We are to act as a role model on all life’s hard moments so that we reflect a positive image of Christ.
I know this is hard and you are probably shaking your head right about now, but listen each moment we are renewed in spirit by having a personal relationship with God. So if you mess up each minute then ask God to pick you back up, forgive you for your mistakes and plant you back on your feet. Kids are very resilient, they bend and move freely. Kids can bounce back from hardship while they are still young, so a mistake here and there is okay.
How you handle the mistake is what matters most. You can lose it in the midst of a hard headed screaming match, but how do you clean it up? After the tension has cleared the air, sit down alone with your child and remind them of your love. Remind them of your genuine care and concern. Tell them how much you want them to behave the right way, but you may have been out of line yourself. Ensure that you are trying to parent them to be a responsible person, but even you struggle sometimes. Allow them to make mistakes, because the only way we stand up and truly learn from our mistakes is to suffer. To see the mess we have made and clean it up ourselves. They will be stronger for this and will pick an alternative route the next time they are faced with this struggle. So after a long screaming match with my daughter this morning over her not owning a pair of pants which is just as ridiculous as it sounds, I have to step back and let it roll off my back. I have to think through the steps and do two things. Think of a way she could have handled the situation better and think of a healthy solution. So I will propose that she pick her clothes out before she goes to bed and think about her words this morning. After we spend time thinking about our actions I will ask her if this is a happy way to love each other. Is yelling and screaming the way you reflect on loving someone? No, she will say and we will make up, but the scars will build and build over time. I know I have been there with my own mother.
I do not want my daughter to resent me as a parent, or my sons. I want them to see me for the fighter (through life) that I am, to see the never doubting mindset that I truly have inside that everything will work out because God is in control. I want them to see that I never doubt God that I truly believe in him and know that every single day God closes and opens doors for the GOOD of those who trust Him. I want them to see my inner strength the beauty that comes from within, to stand strong in the midst of any storm, rising to the top every single time. I want them to see that I laugh, dance, sing and praise God for every single thing I have even though I may not show it all the time. I want them to realize that we are not guaranteed every single day to be a bed of roses, but we are promised a safe place to fall and a mighty God to catch us.
So keep trying, if you fail, try again. Remember it’s your most important job. You will not be perfect, but you will be remembered.
Love in the midst of anger, confusion and frustration. Like just now when my baby boy just dropped about 100 crayons on my floor………
KBD (Dented Bucket) www.thedentedbucket.blogspot.com
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